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Flirting - Is It Really As Harmless As People Think?
Frank and I were having dinner at the El Coyote Mexican restaurant and arguing about an event that happened earlier that day at his office.
"But she's giving me signals!" he insisted.
"I doubt it." I said dismissively. Frank and I had known each other so long we were like brother and sister. I'd heard all of his dating stories and had grave doubts about his judgment when it came to women. He could be thick as a brick when it came to interpreting their behavior.
"Whenever Wendy comes over to my desk, she always leans forward while she's talking to me. I get a great shot of her cleavage."
"That must be nice for you."
"Yeah, great view. Anyway, then she gives me that knowing smile as she walks away. And I gotta tell you, this girl doesn't walk � she 'sashays'."
"Can you give me a demo?"
"Not here. So this morning we were in the photocopy room and I told her the joke about the traveling salesman."
"No! Not the one with the horse?"
"Yeah, that one."
"Ughh! You're such a dirty old man."
"I know. But the thing is, she was there with Sondra and we were all joking around and they thought it was really funny. Then Sondra left and I asked Wendy to meet me for a drink after work. From the look on her face you'd have thought I'd just exposed myself!" Frank threw up his hands in exasperation.
"What? You thought she was interested in you?"
"Well yeah. That's what I got from her signals."
"Signals?"
"All that leaning and wiggling and fluttering eyelashes. The girl was flirting with me!"
"How old's this girl?"
"Twenty-two or so."
"Look, she's just a kid. She was probably just testing her powers. She enjoys the feeling that men find her desirable. It has nothing to do with you."
"But she was throwing it all at me."
"Yes. And probably every other guy she talks to as well. It's all about her and boosting her own self-confidence. She's not thinking of you at all, except as another male who validates her attractiveness."
"You're saying it's not personal?"
"No."
Frank looked deflated.
"Then how can I tell if someone's interested in me or if they're just flirting to feel good about themselves?"
"You can't."
"Well that sucks!"
"I know. You just have to test the waters by inviting the person out, and if she looks at you like you have two heads..."
"Like Wendy did today."
"... then you'll know she was just playing with you."
"There ought to be a rule - no flirting unless you're interested."
"Yeah, it'd be nice if we all played by the rules. No hurt feelings, no misunderstandings."
"Hmm. So how come you don't flirt with me?"
"Oh, please. Just eat your taco."
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